Why Don't I Give A Rats Ass About "Beer Wars"?

Published April 16, 2009 at 5:00 a.m.

This is an odd question. For yoinks it seems that I have been twittered, emailed, RSSed and facebooked about this movie. Actually, I didn't think I could be RRSed but then I was. Yet I don't care despite the fact that PR is usually so compelling most of the time. I now even seem to need to know that there's only two places in Wisconsin showing this thing: Appleton and Kenosha. I don't even know where Kenosha is but I sure it is nice given the cheese and all. Yet still, I don't care. And today I get this - with the identities altered to protect the innocent:

..."XYZ" is a featured subject in Beer Wars: Brewed in America, a groundbreaking documentary that delivers a behind the scenes and no-holds-barred exploration of the U.S. beer business. Told from an insider’s perspective, the film gives a glimpse into the daily battles and all-out wars that dominate this enigmatic $100 billion industry...Would you be interested in running the press release below on your site? Please keep me posted if you would be interested in attending the screening asap and I will work on getting you a pass; just let know the location/theater name. I am also scheduling a limited amount of interviews with "XYZ" if you would be interested in speaking with her further. Thanks so much in advance and please keep me posted if you would like any additional info...

I am sure you are doing a great job, emailing PR intern 419 - but the answer can only be no, no, no and no. I'd rather stick nails in my eyes, actually. Going to a movie about beer, to quote Steve Martin, seems a lot like dancing about architecture. Maybe I have a skeleton in my closet. You know, I once went to a movie in Amsterdam where they offered beer back in the 80s and it was all weird and full of cross dressing and stuff - it was called Tootsie. No, not Toot Me - that was the next street over. But maybe that is it. Maybe I was put off by the whole beer and cinema thing. I am, it appears, not alone even if the possibly paid help is mock outraged. I am sure it is all done with the best of intentions, that money will be lost in the plucky effort, that the craft industry will be one big happy family fighting only the big and bad - and that only the truly deserving get those lingering knowing close-ups...but, honestly, who cares? And who thought of this? Will it make the bad, weak, salty, peach ale I just had from New England better? No.

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